Reflective Questions- Personal questions to ask yourself when thinking about the past and planning for the future.

Reflective Questions-

The saddest about being a millennial is we are easily pressured to live a life of ‘duration’ instead of living a life of ‘donation’. Duration in the sense that we just want to live long enough to become rich and famous, but there is greater reality, where this life will reward us for the donation we made to it. This is my reason for writing these blogs, I simply want to live a life full of donation.

Reflection is a key trait to have. I use it as a tool for improvement and tracking whether or not I am getting better at whatever I do. When we think about the past and plan for the future, reflection is the tool that ensures that we never make the same mistake twice. “When we do not reflect on experiences, it becomes like receiving the test and never learning the lesson.” I highlighted the importance of reflection in the last blog and now I’m going to share questions you can ask yourself when you take time to reflect.

Relationships are important. We need to take time and reflect on our relations with people or else we will live with a lot of frustration thinking that people don’t understand us, when the actual problem could be that we don’t understand ourselves. The questions are only 10, the most obvious thing that will happen while you read these question is that you’ll realise that you can add more questions based on what you are reading.

For Relationships of all sorts:

  1. Do I value people?
  2. Do people know that I value them?
  3. How do I show that I value them?
  4. Am I a ‘plus’ or a ‘minus’ in most of my relationships?
  5. What evidence do I have to confirm my opinion?
  6. What is the love language of the people I love?
  7. How can I serve them best?
  8. Do I need to forgive someone in my life?
  9. Who should I take time to thank?
  10. Who in my life should be receiving my time?

Let us get into the questions.

  1. Do I value people?

For many people including me, this would be easy to answer. The challenge came when I started thinking about the word ‘value’. Materialistically speaking, I have a specific attitude to everything I count as valuable. I know where my valuable things are, I know their conditions and if someone took them away for a while, I would feel the absence of whatever that might be. So when I answered ‘yes’ to this question, I discovered that I actually do value people because of my attitude towards them.

  1. Do people know I value them?

With question, it was a ‘yes’ for my family and friends but a ‘not-really’ for my fellow students and colleagues. I have many people that given some of the best advice ever and outside of that the life they live is extremely inspirational. My mistake (which I am in the process of changing) is that I never told or affirmed those people for their presence in my life. This is why it was a ‘not-really’ for other people.

  1. How do I show it?

I affirm. I always take time to send people I value long messages on a random day and I always make a big deal out of their birthdays. In their absence, I will always talk about their impact in my life and how excited I am about their futures.

  1. Am I a ‘plus’ or a ‘minus’ in most relationships?

I considered myself to be a plus. I had to think about how people react to my presence, the questions that people ask me and the way most of my family and friends have affirmed me.

  1. What evidence do I have to confirm my opinion?

When I think about who I am to people, I realised that I add value to the relationships that I have. As much as people are always teaching me something, I take time to learn and in return teach them. I do not let my relationships be one sided, but instead I always try to play my part.

  1. What is the love language of the people that I love?

For this question I had to remember the book, ‘The 5 Love languages by Garry Chapman.” The 5 ways in which people feel loved are, Quality time, Acts of service, Physical Touch, Receiving of Gifts and Words of affirmation. So for me the most common ones were Quality time and Words of affirmation.

  1. How can I serve them best?

Based on the love languages expressed by the people I love, spending time with those with a love language of quality time and simply affirming those with the love language of words of affirmation.

  1. Do I need to forgive someone in my life?

I was never really bothered by what people do to me, I found it quit easy to forgive. The person I need to forgive was myself. For all the opportunities I missed and the time I had to do certain things, I always lived on the back foot of my own life. Forgiving myself gave me the freedom I have always wanted.

  1. Who should I take time to thank?

After going through a very tough season, the support I received from my family was the best. I had to take time to call and text all of them for their support and patience.

  1. Who in my life should be receiving more of my time?

Again, as much as I wanted this question to go to many of my friends, it had to be my family for this one.

This is simply a template for reflection, there other questions that you can ask yourself and there are questions that you can leave out from the 10 that I have shared. When answering these questions, do not just think about them, take time are write down your answers to these questions.

“Why? Because you will discover that what you think after you write the answer is different from what you thought before you wrote it. Writing helps you to discover what you truly know, think, and believe.”

Do not just be a duration in a relationship, be a donation.

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Author: Leonard Lebere

Leonard is: Introverted. Love Reading. Value Friendships. Kingdom Builder. Natural Leader. Exude Confidence. Writes Differently

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